It's been a long time...

I shouldn't have left you, left you

Without some blog posts to go to, go to
Go to, go to, go to, go to, go to...

:: chika chika chika ::

Ok I'm done being completely corny.

I have stayed off of this blog for far too long and quite frankly, I missed it. [and the whole 10 of you that actually read it] Truth is, if I kept coming here since the last time I posted, every post would have been sad as I was mourning.

Well, I still am mourning but I just didn't want to do it on a blog. The first month of my dealing with my friend's passing was public...very public. And while it helped in its own way, it was too much for me. Too much to be speaking at memorials and having people I've never met in my life contact me on Facebook. I don't know what the "proper" way to deal with this is, but that didn't seem like it was it. While I absolutely appreciate every person that reached out to me, and I wouldn't change one thing that I said or did, I needed ... no, I NEED, to do this privately. Alone. Or as alone as I need it to be. I'm better. Not perfect but better. Sometimes I forget and sometimes I lay awake at night and cry. It is what it is. But I need to do it my way. Semi alone. I don't want to check in at the cemetary on 4sq, or write sad messages to her on her page, or write sad statuses about life and how it sucks or whatever. To each their own but I can't keep myself in a constant state of misery, and I feel bad, borderline guilty, when I publicly see all of these feelings and my reaction is just ... why are you doing that? I've never really liked running to people to fix things and since this is unfixable, I kind of don't see any reason to run to someone to talk about it.

Ok I'm done ... back to my non-sad post!

So here we go ...

Randoms

• I took a hiatus from online dating because I'm convinced it is not for me. Recently bored, I updated my profile and an attractive fellow messaged me [score!]. First exchange was a smiley [ok, cute and simple]. Second exchange was the following: "so what type of hispanic are you?" Dumbfounded [and after shit talking with a couple of people about said exchange], I sarcastically replied with "the cool kind. I'm also fluent in spanish. you?" Apparently this backfired on me because I was met with a "oh well what's the cool kind because as far as I know, i'm the coolest kind around."
  Ok. Now i'm just annoyed, so I replied with a curt "chilean". To which I'm met with "cool I'm prican, your a hot chilean =) "
  That's verbatim my dear readers. Needless to say, this was met with an eye roll and a sigh.  Lesson to be learned from this: do not ask people what TYPE of ethnicity they are. thanks
• I am taking the first vacation vacation I've taken since ... 09? in 2 weeks. I haven't told many people about it, but it requires a passport so I am excited! Can't wait to get the hell out of this city and cut connection from everyone for 10 days.
• Despite the fact that I'm "going black", I've decided that I will be carrying my ipod around and hoping for wifi because I want to check in on foursquare! Please don't judge me, but unlocking a badge and seeing what random things you get points for is fun. Plus there are deals! And they work!
• Also, for the first time in my life I am going to start packing/getting ready early. Like almost 2 weeks early. I feel like I'm missing so many things I need to take but can't figure out what...so might as well start at least getting out what I'm taking so I can get a clear picture. Wish me luck!
• The year is ending and I need to focus on seriously job hunting. I am hitting my 4th year in February and I am over it.
• I have become somewhat obsessed with my hair, how it looks, and how/what I use to style it. Unfortunately I keep aiming for "big" hair and it seems that my hair used to get "big" because it was unhealthy. Now that I'm taking care of it, it's not like that anymore. le sigh.
• My dad told me on the side that my mom is all upset because I never go out with her and the lady upstairs goes out shopping with her daughters on the weekends. The whole "she goes out with her friends" and not me thing came out. Little does she know I don't even go out shopping for myself because I hate it! What to do, what to do. 
• Speaking of shopping, I desperately need to do it because I have very little winter clothes and what I do have are years old. But I hate shopping. The lines, the crowds, how hot the stores are. I'm old and it's no longer fun.
• Along with the whole shopping thing, I feel like I have trouble finding clothes now. I'm in what I feel is a weird age [29]. I'm too young for some looks, but too old for others. Add to that that I don't really like crazy fashion trends because guess what, once the trend is over, then that piece is semi useless. 
• I want to try the new dynamic blogger themes but they are weird. Or maybe not, but I think it's weird that it doesn't seem to stay set on one theme, you just select the view from the toolbar and it changes. And I don't like that my gadgets and stuff aren't in view. Ok I'm done...love you blogger!