passions in life

What are you passionate about?



I've given this question so much thought because it seems to be asked often and for some reason, it always makes me hesitate. What are my passions?

:: crickets ::

I honestly don't know why it takes me a minute [or five] to collect my thoughts. I know what my passions AREN'T. I know that while I can appreciate art and I think it's beautiful, I pretty much have no artistic talent whatsoever [which honestly pisses me off because quite a few people in my family can draw/paint and I feel bamboozled for this gene skipping me].

Dancing? No. Cooking? No. Singing? Absolutely not.

I won't lie when I say that years ago, this question used to make me panic. I used to sit and wrack my brain and think to myself "My GOD cathy, you have NO PASSIONS in life. You suck."

In my quest to finally really figure out what my passions in life are, and in true me form, I looked it up:

"a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music."

Thank you dictionary.com for putting this in the simplest of terms.

I have narrowed my [main] passions down to four things:

• Music - Not because I can sing or play 10 instruments or have 20000 songs on my ipod, but because it makes me feel like nothing else can. Music can calm me down, make me cry, give me energy, and make me smile from a memory attached to it. It is relate-able, it is influential, and is so vast that there is no way that you can't find a song somewhere that makes you feel something. It is truly universal.
  
• Writing - Very few people know that I have always written in some way every since I was a kid. I always had a diary or some notebook that could be found with entries or poems scattered throughout. I stopped writing for a long time and 5 years ago I started my first blog and I've had one ever since. I love to blog and I don't care if anything I wrote about seems silly, trivial, or too personal. I write it for me. To remember. To capture my thoughts that I am bound to forget. I still cannot get to the point where I can post a poem to my blog though. Maybe one day.
• Travel - Nothing excites me like travel does. Nothing gets my adrenaline going and makes me as happy as the thought of going somewhere new, even if that means some town in CT. I love seeing new things. I love walking down a street that I've never been to before, eating the best local food, observing people in a new town. I love leaving NY and I love the fact that I, city girl and all, am truly aware of the fact that the city is NOT everything and that there is a beautiful world beyond it. I caught the "get me outta here bug" at a very early age and it has yet to leave me. I doubt it ever will.
• Technology - I have shaped my life around technology. I went to a tech school to learn how to design tech and then I went to another tech school to learn how to write about it. I work in a software company. I read tech blogs more than news sites. It is one of the only topics in the world that I have never lost interest in, has never bored me, and the only topic that I could justify going to college for.
  

You might be reading this and shaking your head like "this girl is an idiot" but I'm a virgo and I over think things...

:: kanye shrug ::

Now that I have accepted/come to terms with/identified my passions, I realize how they all make sense and how they have all been in my life since I was a child. I grew up listening to music every single day and all the music I knew was not the norm in the sense that yes, I knew and loved Madonna, but what went through my ears was more on the terms of the Beatles, Frank, and typical Andes, folkloric music.

Writing like I said, I've been doing since I was a kid. It was really the only way I could release since I'm an only child and all of my family is in Chile, I never really had that person that was always RIGHT there to talk to. Likewise, my entire family living on another continent got me traveling at the tender age of 5.

And technology...well, that is a love that I "blame" on my grandfather, a man that is intrigued by the way anything works, and used to sit me on his lap so that we could take apart, and put back together, a clock. Just for shits and giggles.

I guess I am normal after all. Lol

:: scratches head ::

i don't necessarily think i have a big butt but i still like this ad

oh confusion

i want to write but i don't know what to write. i was doing ok until something happened that required me to push me to the side. the fact of the matter is that as emotional as i am, i don't know how to deal with emotions other than happiness. i don't know how to deal with hurt or confusion or sadness or longing, so i run. when the issues have to do with only me, i physically run away from the world and retreat to my room, my haven, so that i can sit with those feelings alone. but when those emotions can be encompassed within another person, i just run away from them. maybe that's childish of me but it's the only way i know how to deal and i've done it my whole life. no person means no emotions. the fact of the matter is that my theory back there is complete and utter bullshit. as if physically distancing yourself from someone makes you forget they were ever there. i mean really. the really f*cking sad thing is that i don't know what i want and THAT is what's f*cking me over. do i want to be with them. do you know how many times i've been asked that, before, during, and after. and my answer is honestly, i don't know. it's not a cop out i don't know. it's a legitimate "i don't know!!!" as crazy as it sounds i wish i could figure it out. i doubt anything would change other than the fact that i would now be clear with what i want [or don't want]. what i DO know that i want though is normalcy. the last few days have been semi normal [or as normal as we're allowing ourselves to be] and it's been nice but it's still not normal. not the normal that existed, that i know can be reached. i just want it to be normal. but then i think about it and wonder if it ever really was normal. in our secluded little bubble it was. fuck normal, it was amazing is what it was. but truely normal? :: shrug :: it was probably the fakest normalcy i'll ever see. fake because in the confines of our personal space, wherever that happened to be at the moment, it was perfect. but the minute one or the other stepped out, broke that invisible barrier, the harshness of the real world slapped us in the face. sometimes i wonder if that amazingness was because of the circumstances, or because it just was. did that make sense? at rit i always used to laugh at the fact that it was widely known that the scale for rating women there was COMPLETELY different than that of the real world. rit was filled with "geeks" and "nerds" and "social outcasts". it is a true tech school and let's face it, up until a few years ago, technology was not really a field women went into. therefore the amount, and caliber, of the women in the school was very limited, and the rating system was on a crazy curve. the sexy hot girl in rit would probably just be looked at as normal [if that] in the real world when put up against ... well the world. so back to me .. was it amazing because of the circumstance, the confinement, or was it amazing just because that's how it is. if put out in the real world, up against all the real issues people face, would it still hold and be what it was? a part of me wishes that answer is no, simply because if that is what is real ... that level of comfort, of talking, of intimacy, of laughter ... then it just f*cking sucks. i can't even strive for the normalcy before it began because the fact is that we were always full of flirtation and giggles and hours of conversation. it's been 3 months since the "fake normalcy" faded into blatant reality. 3!!! the time apart is going by as fast as the time together went. will everything be ok, yes it will but the time it's taking to get there sucks.

...my rant is over. if it made no sense, that's fine. i didn't really think much, just sat down and typed.

...

and on an absolutely total random note, we had our dept holiday party today and it was absolute comedy.

rah rah ah ah ah ...

i want you love and
i want your revenge
you and me could write a bad romance

oooo oh oh oh ...

oh wait ... we already did!

smh

... Je veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revanche ...

:: singin ::

But I know that god put you in front of me
So how the hell could you front on me
It's a thousand yous and only one of me
I'm tripping, I'm caught up in the moment right ...

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

well then ...

sometimes i forget why i ever started a blog and then you have a day like today, where you sift through old entries and you remember

crazy what time does, how much things can change ...

a year ago today we were talking [?] and now i don't even have your #.

and a lil more than a year ago today i wrote a post on how much i missed you, SP, and now i'm pretty sure you hate me.

and now today i am involved in something i swore i would never do again that contains qualities that i never desired to begin with.

nice.

randoms:

• i do believe it's raining ... AGAIN
• first wedding is next week ...
  
• and i still need a dress and a plane ticket. i suck
• work blows
• i want it to finally be summer
• i'm cutting my hair on sat!!!
• WTF am i DOING?!?!?