why i'm ACTUALLY not married

So this article has been making its way around the internet and erupting into a whole slew of comments. It's simply entitled Why You're Not Married.

It's simple and to the point, and lists 6 reasons why us bachelorettes are still, well bachelorettes. The points are the following:

1. You're a bitch
2. You're shallow
3. You're a slut
4. You're a liar
5. You're selfish
6. You're not good enough

To read the whole reasoning behind each point, see here: Why You're Not Married...

Ouch? [If you haven't realized it yet, basically the reason you're not married yet is your own fault.] I read the article because I was really curious as to what was behind all of this reasoning, and while I could honestly say that I do agree with some [if not all] the points in some way, I think the author is missing something here:

These are all reasons assuming that GREAT, marriage material men are actually coming into your lives, and you're ruining it by acting like one of her points. And let's face it, that's not the case.

I'm guilty of possibly half of what she listed. Am I a bitch? Yes if by bitch you mean I tell you how I feel, don't hide when I'm annoyed, and call you out on your bullshit. Am I angry? No.

Contrary to what some may believe, I am not bitter. I don't "have issues" because of men and I definitely don't hate them. Shit I'm actually usually the person that tries to defend them or find some excuse for their idiotic behavior. I don't think all men are cheaters, assholes, or jerks. I don't think that if a man cheated at 22, he's now officially a serial cheater and could never be monogamous. I honestly don't think any of that. But are some men assholes? Yes they are and I've dated them too. It happens.

Am I shallow? No I don't think so. Yes I have a list of on paper traits that my absolute dream hunk would have. Tall, athletic, light eyes, dark hair, full lips, fabulous job, awesome cook, fluent in spanish...etc etc etc. Have I ever dated a man like this? No. Not even close. I totally agree that character is more important than anything and if you're a woman who is pushing away a man that is amazing and gorgeous but only 5'9 when your limit was 5'11 and up, then yes you may be shallow. But according to this article I'm not married yet because I am shallow because I would have found a man with character right now. Really? Ok let me go backwards in my dating/whatever life over the last year:

• Amazing character but is a mess and not ready for a relationship [said so by himself]
• Cool guy that would disappear for days on end until he suddenly just disappeared forever
• Guy that had most of my on paper traits but found his BB and TV more interesting to look at than me when I was around
• Guy who confessed how amazing he thinks I am and how much he cared about me and wanted to see me, after coming back from visiting his family with his [ex] gf

None of these men had all of the "shallow" traits I want, and I tried anyway. Are they assholes, absolutely not. If I dated you in some way, shape or form, it's because I cared about you. But are they the one for me? Hell no.

Am I a slut? No I don't think so. This is where I enter my "what I do in my personal life is my own business" disclaimer and keep it moving. And by the way Ms. McMillan, Angelina from the Jersey Shore is now engaged so you may want to edit your article on that because clearly that's not a defining factor.

Am I a liar? See my blurb for Am I a Bitch. Moving on.

Am I selfish. Yes. To the point where I can't take care of a man? No. I'm single and have every right to be selfish because I'm single. But in a relationship I'm another person. Enter the old school mentality of how a woman treats her man. I'll take are of you when you're sick, hang up your shirt, rub your shoulders, etc. 

I'm not good enough? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I'm awesome and I know it.

You see, the reason why I'm single and not married isn't because I suffer from one, or all, of the reasons listed. It's because I may be guilty of one of two of them, but I also haven't found someone great that is worth marrying, accepts me, and is open to actually being in a good relationship. I don't want to get married just to get married. [And sorry author but being "born knowing how to get married" and having 3 failed marriages on your resume of life by your 40s is not my idea of an admirable quality. Sorry.] Could I be married right now if I just said eff it, this dude is nice let's go? Probably. Same thing with having a child. I could have one by now, but I don't want a baby daddy. I want a husband and a father. When I was in my early 20s my then boyfriend told me he could give me a baby, but that doesn't mean he would be there for the rest. It was a joke but a very real scenario. No thanks.

I'm not sad or stressed at the fact that I'm 28 and ringless. I don't even mind so much that I'm single. The day that a wonderful man with CHARACTER that isn't playing games and knows what he wants enters my life, he will be embraced. But until then I will continue to be selfish, or a little bitchy, or a little shallow.

Because when it comes to love and marriage, it's not me, and it's not you. It's us.