growing, growing, grown

I re-read my last blog and I've realized how random it is. I blog about a lot of things but my personal love life isn't one of my main topics. But love is a part of life and this is about my life so...there it came out.

I went off on my love tangent because one of the two people that I was talking about I saw very recently and that moment made me realize something about myself.

I'm growing.

[Both literally and figuratively, let's not forget I'm 5'3 and a quarter now, thanks!]

Anyway...seeing him again for the first time after 3 years made me aware of the fact that I was no longer angry. Or hurt. Or sad. I felt an odd sense of peace and nostalgia. Not in the sense of wanting to be with him again, but just nostalgia for someone that was once so familiar.

This may not seem like such a big deal but it is to me. I'm the type of person that after any break up, my #1 rule is to get them out of my life. Ask any of my friends what has my advice been to them if they are trying to get over someone ... "stop talking to them".

Don't get me wrong, I still totally stand by my idea that the only way you can truly get over someone is by removing them from your life. I don't believe that there is any way that you can learn to adjust to the fact that you are no longer with that person by keeping them in your life in the same way they once were. Just doesn't happen.

The growing aspect of this isn't the part that I realized that everything was now ok. The growing is the part that came after...which is the fact that we are on speaking terms again. Normal speaking terms at that. No pointing fingers, no talking about bad experiences. No tears, no getting upset, no mean words said. Just normal, dare I say, adult conversation with someone that I used to love very much.

In-sanity.

What's more insane is that this sudden revelation about myself led me to contact someone that I have not contacted since November and guess what...the same thing is happening. Ok I got slightly annoyed for 2.5 seconds today but other than that, it's ok and normal.

I absolutely don't like holding grudges and I have never really walked around angry at someone for months or years, but not forgetting has always kinda trumped forgiveness in my world. Removing someone from my life has been the trend I've followed for 28 years, and will continue to follow. But allowing them back in in a civil manner after the wound is healed and everything is peaceful? That's brand new and in all honesty, insanely refreshing.