the great white affair

Being a 28yr old, single woman in this city, it is no surprise that the topic of dating comes up in conversations. A lot. Such a conversation took place the other day and I was asked what was my dating preference, if i had one. My response, without even thinking about it, was "latinos". It's always been my response and I always get different reactions regarding it. Sometimes it's shock, sometimes it's confusion, sometimes it's clear understanding. Sometimes I get an eyebrow raise and someone asks if I date "white" guys and I shake my head no.

And this is where it all begins.

The gasp, the why, the "oh no's".

I usually just stand there and don't understand why it's such a big deal that I say that. I don't walk around saying I will never date a white guy, screw them [sidenote: I hate saying "white guy" because for all intents and purposes, I too am "white", skin tone wise but I think we all know that I mean by my reference], but they are not my preference. It kind of has to do with looks, but not really, because Lord knows that Latinos come in every shade of the rainbow.

It doesn't even really have to do with the fact that you may or may not be familiar with empanadas, that you may or may not know how to dance merengue, or you may or may not know how to speak Spanish. All of those things are fine and great, but they are also learned.

It really has to do with how you view my ethnicity, my culture, and my upbringing, and how you view me in spite of them. In college I wasn't Latina, I was Mexican. I spoke "Mexican" and my stating that I don't like spicy foods was met with wide eyes and an immediate "why not" because you know...all "Mexicans like spicy food".

I know that a lot of this can be attributed to being around a lack of diversity. Growing up in NYC, you fail to realize that you live in one of, if not the, most culturally diverse cities in the world, and it doesn't occur to you that the rest of the world isn't the same. So I get it.

I know that everyone doesn't know everything. But can you at least try to gain general knowledge of things? Learn the fact that [gasp!] countries DO exist in South America other than Ecuador, Colombia, and Brazil?

Or know that if I say we are doing a fundraiser for Chile [RIGHT after the earthquake hit], your response isn't "the chile bean? Why are you fund raising for that?"

I know enough to know that not all "white" people think that every Spanish speaking person is Mexican. Unfortunately, I've met too many that do. So there goes that part of how I am viewed in regards to being Latina.

Now let's add the fact that I am from the Bronx.

:: pause ::

A Latina from the Bronx? So clearly I am Puerto Rican! No. Kids? Absolutely not.

Yes I am Latina and yes I'm from the Bronx. For 20+ years I never thought this as a negative, until I remember the fact that not ONLY was I Latina, but I was ALSO from the Bronx, made me just a little "too" ghetto.

Umm...ok? Do I have my ghetto moments...sure why not. But why my ethnicity, in combination with my hometown, becomes a huge red X across my face is beyond me. Yes I am Latina and I live in the Bronx. I also [ahem] went to the Rochester Institute of Technology, got a B.S. in Electrical Engineering Technology with a minor in Communications, attended Polytechnic University and got a M.S in Technical Writing [by the age of 25], am fluent in Spanish, so-so in Italian, don't live at home, have a job and a car, a 401k, and a savings account. Exactly WHAT about that gets trumped by the fact that I am Latina...and from the Bronx?

The fact is that I don't have anything against white guys as a whole [how retarded would that be]? But I do have a problem with being stereotyped because of my ethnicity, and unfortunately, that's what I have personally encountered with them. I am "fiery" or "spicy" or "exotic" or "ghetto". I have black, curly hair, oh my how Latina of me. I get asked if I speak Spanish during sex [what?] or get told "hey mami ven aqui" as I walk by [that does nothing by the way].

I totally embrace my culture and ethnicity and I wouldn't change it FOR THE WORLD, but I don't like being treated like a notch on the belt of exotic women you bagged.

Maybe one day I'll meet a lovely white man who doesn't make me feel anything other than fabulous for being myself. But until then, I'll stick to my lovely Latino men, who simply see me as a woman and not a novelty item.