:: 2am ::

and i'm up because after i got home from work i took a "nap" that lasted me 1.5 hrs ... uugghhh.

now i'm finally getting sleepy but i'm blogging and have no idea what to blog about ... i make no sense

i was thinking today about jealousy; what it is and how it works. according to some wikihow article, "jealousy is a combination of fear and anger". fear in regards to losing something and anger in regards to someone or something moving in on what you feel is yours.

i've always known that i have small fits of jealousy but i honestly never really understood why. the feeling in my tummy would just be a feeling and would leave as soon as it came. sometimes i would feel like it was eating away at my insides and it would become so unbearable that i would exhibit a sign of moodiness but that was it for the most part. only once has it ever gotten to the point where i blew up, and that ended in a disaster. never again.

now that i read that page, it makes a little more sense. what still confuses me though is how that fear or anger can rear its head regarding a situation that ended a while ago. someone you barely talk to anymore, don't see at all, and was never a person that you could have happily been with. are humans that ... greedy [for lack of a better word] that even though we KNOW that person was a terrible lover or friend, the minute we come to realize that someone else has stepped into the spot that you once held, you feel like a baby punched you in the gut?