So for a long time I've been walking around saying I want to change my life. And by "change my life" I don't mean something incredibly drastic like move to India, but change nonetheless [blame Eat.Pray.Love for this urge]. My body, my hair, my health, my job, my car, my room color, my tv...I could go on and on about the things I want to change but that would change the point of this blog entirely.
Back to my change checklist. Please note that I love my life and I love me. None of the things that I want to change, from my health to my room decor, are things that are horrid or I hate... they are just things that I know could be better.
Take my health for instance. Am I fat, no. Do I think that sometimes I look fat in certain things, yes [I don't wear spandex outfits for instance, I know my place!]. Do I like my body, yes! I don't want to be ripped and I don't even want to be super tight and firm everywhere. I like being soft, I'm a girl! But do I think I could improve in some way, absolutely.
It is a known fact that being thin/slender does not equal being fit. One of the main reasons that I don't run up the stairs to catch the train, other than the fact that I am deadly afraid of falling on my face and busting my it open, is the fact that I cannot do that without getting to the top totally out of breath. The stairs to the train aren't even that many...maybe 40? But I can't make it. Because I'm not fit [and here I thank baby Jesus that I never got into smoking because god only knows where I'd be if I did].
Do I like snowboarding, yes. Does it kick my ass, TOTALLY. Other than main problem #1, which is that looking down that mountain still terrifies me, problem #2 is that it kills my body. Kills. Falling while snowboarding takes a lot of work, and after falling 27 times, I literally have no energy to push myself back up.
So I started thinking about these things and the fact that I'd like to fit into my jeans a little better. And wear certain outfits with more confidence [not Spandex, I'd never go that route]. And just feel better overall, and I decided to make changes, and for me both are a big deal.
Change #1 is to exercise. Routinely. Not every now and then when the desire hits me [which is practically never]. I started pilates about a month ago. I started the gym last week. Not because it was a resolution, but because I loathe the gym and I knew the only way I would go was if Jenn went with me. So off we went and last week I exercised. I did the gym, pilates, and my little boxing and hula hoop games on Wii fit [don't sleep on some of those games, they will work you out if you do them for the whole time]. A gym buff may laugh at my little routine and call me pathetic, but to you I say f*ck you and remember that I'm a newbie. I want to get physically better but I'm not going to be a hero and go hard at the gym for a week straight! 4/7 days isn't bad.
Now here comes the best part. Today I went to the gym. Alone. I got home ready to go with Jenn but she had gone on a run before I got there and her knee hurt so she didn't want to go anymore. The little voice inside me told my ass to change into sweats and stay home. But the other little louder voice told me to go, and off I went. Alone!!! If you know me at all you know this is a big deal, and yes I am proud of me! :: does a little dance ::
Now, even more amazing than the fact that I'm working out is the fact that I'm changing my eating habits. And I daresay this is even harder than the gym. I was very honest with myself in knowing that I am probably never going to change WHAT I eat. I love burgers and pizza and pasta and seafood and terra chips and reese's peanut butter cups. I love them all. But what I desperately needed to change was HOW I ate. Meaning I can't have 3 peanut butter cups at once. Or force myself to eat every last bite of food, resulting in my feeling like I'm going to explode. Trust me, there is nothing I love more than that feeling, but I do it all the time and that's bad. I thank my upbringing with the fact that while I like fast food, I can't eat it all the time. My body literally craves home cooked food. This also helps with eating out at restaurants; it's tasty but I can't do it all the time [I also like money and eating out a lot wastes a shit load of it. No thanks].
And no this does not mean that when I go to a restaurant I'm going to order skinless chicken breast with steamed rice and that's my meal [gross]. But while I have always embraced being an inner fat kid, and I will ALWAYS be a fat kid, I need to put her in a corner more often. Not forever, just more often.
Classic example of my old fat kid ways: About a month ago I went with my friend to a local bar. Their claim to fame was that they have great burgers and I was dying to try them, so off we went. We got seated and ordered what else, but a beer. After examining the menu we chose our burgers. I don't remember wtf I had but yes, it was delicious. My friend's burger was delicious as well. Mine came with fries but I noticed that theirs had onion rings. So I asked to have one. And it was freaking amazing and I said so. And do you know what happened 2 seconds after? "Let's order a side of onion rings!"
That may not sound like a big deal but you had to see these burgers, they were huge. And I had a lot of fries and the onion rings on the plate were big. But we just ordered a whole separate side order. The MINUTE we said it we knew it was a bad idea but whatever, we decided to embrace our fat kid glory. And let me tell you we STRUGGLED to finish those onion rings. While drinking beer. And finishing our burgers. And then when we were done we laid down.
Uuummm....fail. My new, smaller and better behaved fat kid will enjoy the burger, and the side that came with it and that's it!!! No ordering a ridiculous extra side and then forcing myself to eat it. Ugh how horrid.
So there you go. New me, new goals, new priorities. I hate the gym but I'm kinda enjoying it in a weird way. I'm not going to turn into some health freak. I will still eat what I want, but I am making more of an effort to eat better. I'm like a two year old and I need to eat something every couple of hours, so I'm substituting usual cookies with some things and drinking tons of water. And I will still let the fat kid come out and play, just not as frequently as before.
Although I do really rreeaaallly want a burger. Like now.
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