The topic of babies seems to come up a lot, at least for me. Maybe it's because I'm 28. Or Latina. Or a 28 year old Latina? I don't know, but the "do you have a kid" question gets thrown out just a little too much for my liking.
But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the following conversation:
Friend: you suck for not coming to chill
Me: well you told me mad late, next time let me know earlier
Friend: i have a two year old, duh
Me: i know, but i don't
Friend: good for you
I ended the conversation there, because what I wanted to say was "fuck yeah that's good for me".
Disclaimer: I totally, absolutely, want to have a family. I want a husband and 2-3 kids [with the eldest being a boy], a fabulous apartment/home, etc etc etc.
But not yet.
I am totally not ready for children. And when it comes to dating a man with children, not me not now [not ever really].
The reason? Because unless I grew that baby inside of me, I am so not ready to let a child impose on my life.
Some people get taken aback when they hear my views on this but I think they're either lying to themselves, or just not as mean as me.
But think about it. My dating a man with a kid means that I have to take into account this kid. Their schedule, their likes, their wants. If I want to see you at 6pm, but you can't because you have your kid and have to drop them off...my plans are messed up. If I want to go away for the weekend but you have your kid that weekend? My plans are messed up. And while I'm the type of person that thinks an ex should be an ex and somewhat out of the picture...you have some broad that is forever going to be in your life.
No thanks. Fact is I am far too selfish at this point in my life to deal with any of this. I can deal sharing with your family, friends, coworkers. But a kid that's not mine? Uh uh.
I know women that are happily in love with men with children. Yes they've had some struggles but it's worked out. God bless their souls because they are clearly stronger than I am.
I applaud you for being honest with yourself. Sometimes honesty isn't always pretty but it's the truth. But I do have to disagree with one part, women who date or marry men with kids are not stronger than you. In my case I just want different things out of life. I don't want kids of my own, I don't want to be responsible for another human life 24/7. Like you I like my life the way it is now. If I want to take a nap when I get home from work, my ass is asleep on the couch for a good 2 hours. If I want to spend a weekend doing only what I want to do, I'm doing it. If I want to eat a dinner consisting of cheez-its and a bottle of wine, it's going down. If I had a child of my own none of that would be possible, my life would completely revolve around them, I would be making the ultimate sacrifice and I am way too selfish for that. I did, however, fall in love with and marry a man who already has children. And I have now found a way to have the best of both worlds. I get to do all the fun kid/family stuff and still have my own life. Now this is definitely not something I set out to accomplish but it just happened to work out. I am grateful that my husband's kids are well-behaved and that my husband handles any baby-mama drama without the drama. We have a set-up that works with our lifestyle. And I am pretty lucky to be able to "have it all". Of course it is not picture perfect every family has it's issues but they are manageable. The love I have for my husband far outweighs any of the bad. And I am secure enough in my relationship to know that I will always come 2nd to his kids. But that is one of the things I love about him. If he always put me first he would be a pretty lousy father. Anywho, sorry I rambled, I really just wanted to say that I agree with you and that any good relationship will only work if both parties are completely honest about what they want. So, kudos to you for sticking to your guns.
ReplyDeleteMy fellow Virgo! I totally agree with you and you actually mentioned something that I thought of after I posted. I don't want to deal with the kid thing because I want to be #1. But at the same time, like you said, if a guy with kids always made me #1 I would be looking at him like, what are you doing, you have children!! I really do think that everything is meant to be and the women that I know that are with men who have children are all REALLY happy. Like, happier than some couples I know without that "issue" and I think it's because those women were lucky enough to find a man that knows how to balance everything (like hitting me up at 11pm to hang out because you have a kid...is not a good balancing act lmao). By no means do I think it's disastrous but I do think that it takes a special kind of man to know how to deal with it all and not push anyone away. :)
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